Tied Together with a Smile
by UnfathomableFandoms
Summary: Aaron is starting to crack under the pressure, and the one thing that seems to keep him himself is slipping away. (Inspired by Taylore Swift's song)


**(I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. Forgive me for I have sinned. What have I done to Aaron?)**

"You think I'm _fine,_ Call?" Aaron's voice was on the very edge of a dark, dark pit, and Call was starting to see just how much chaos really was inside Aaron's head. His eyes looked like sea glass, weathered and washed out and fragile. Aaron's signature smile was stretched into a grimace. It was like Aaron was coming undone right in front of Call, and he wasn't sure exactly what he was seeing.

Maybe this really was Aaron's soul. If so, how was it so chaotic?

"You are so dense! So- so-" Aaron growled, making fists. "You think I'm actually this happy? The golden boy, huh? You're just as bad as everyone here!" Aaron ran a hand through his wild hair, sticking out everywhere like duck fluff. He was pacing now; his shoulders were hiked up to his ears.

Call wasn't used to seeing Aaron like this. It was like whiplash, after seeing Aaron so strong, he had never thought his smile could waver; and he never thought he'd see Aaron cry. Seeing Aaron like this… it was wrong.

Aaron still wasn't making any sense.

"You honestly think my whole life has been easy?"

Call shook his head, "What? No! I know it was hard for you. Now calm down and-" Call reached forward to touch Aaron. He didn't know what he expected it to do; he hated to be touched when he was in a bad mood. Aaron swatted his hand away and Call didn't understand why the rejection hurt so much but it did.

"You know what happened at my last home when they found out about my little tricks?"

Call shook his head. He was starting to seriously worry about his best friend. When did Call lose him, and how did Call not see it? The pain in his eyes was plain to see as if on a billboard.

Aaron stopped his pacing. "I was lucky they were too scared of me to touch me or they would have beaten me senseless." Aaron was too close now, nearly touching Call. He was breathing too hard. Call swallowed. The thought of Aaron being hurt like that made him want to punch something. "You know how I know? The girl that told me about this place, when they found out, I was stuck crying in my room. The house almost caught fire and now I know why. She left to live with her brother the next morning."

"I thought the Magisterium was my salvation. I could finally be someone, I could finally do something good with my life, but now I see that being someone is the worst thing to be."

Call was suddenly angry. Everyone loved Aaron, how could he throw it all away? Call had never been someone. "Are you kidding me?"

Aaron shook his head. "See? Everyone expects me to be perfect and my own Counterweight is no different! You think it's easy trying to live up to the expectations? You think I like to know that I could kill anyone with a flick of my wrist? Do you think it's easy to watch you brush off your father _abusing_ you?"

The room was suddenly quiet and Call wished Aaron would go back to yelling so something could fill it up.

Aaron was calmer now, a numb sort of calm that may have been worse than the yelling. A smile struggled to appear on Aaron's face, but it was sadder than any frown. "It's not hard to tell, Call."

"He never hurt me." Call said weakly.

"Absence of hostility is not kindness and I wish you'd see that. He's been manipulating you for years, Call! Years. I'm being manipulated by the Magisterium and you're letting yourself be manipulated and it's insulting! You push everyone away. Did you ever think that I might need support?"

Aaron threw his hands up as if he were surrendering, a pitiful little shrug that looked wrong on him. "My last family thought I was broken and they were absolutely right."

Call shook his head. "You're not broken, Aaron. That's my job. Remember, I'm supposed to be the irrational one."

"That's the problem! No one expects me to actually be a human being with _emotions!_ All I want is to be treated like one! I'm not a charity ward or a punching bag or a chess piece!"

"I get it." Call said.

"But I'm starting to wonder if that's just how we treat human beings." Call said. He looked back on every horrible thing anyone had ever said to him, every time someone gave him pity for their own gain. It made him angry to think about it, black spots crowded his vison and he clenched his fists.

But he was no better, no one was. Everyone hurt someone. Call just didn't realize how much Aaron had been hurt. Or maybe he didn't want to think about it. Aaron was pure, like Call's own namesake, the dove. He didn't want to think of him as someone who could be hurt and someone who could hurt.

 _Human hearts can break, human skin can tear._ The Devoured had said. Only now did Call understand.

* * *

There was a knock at Call's door at midnight. On any normal occasion, Call would have avenged his lost sleep and screamed at them to go away- maybe thrown something.

But he hadn't been sleeping anyway. He'd sneaked a coffee maker into his room earlier in the year and had been on the buzz for hours, his head whirling through caffeine- muddled thoughts. It wasn't entirely the coffee though. The haunted look on Aaron's face had been keeping him up all night. Did Aaron really have such a horrible past? Call couldn't sleep, thinking about a little blonde boy locked in his room crying.

Call opened the door and squinted. Very faintly, he could see Aaron's blonde hair and his silhouette in the darkness. His shadow shifted as if Aaron were nervous. "Can I come in?" He whispered.

Call nodded and opened the door wider. He summoned a very small ball of fire in his hand, just big enough to give off enough light to see Aaron clearly. Call refilled his coffee and took a bitter warm sip.

Aaron still looked uncomfortable, and still held himself a little slumped like standing took too much energy. The wore sweatpants and a very ironic Captain America T-shirt that Call seriously wanted to snicker at, but nothing was really funny anymore, not after seeing Aaron come apart.

Aaron sat on the corner of Call's bed, as if he didn't want to touch too much of Call's stuff.

Call held his fire in one hand and sat next to Aaron.

"So…." Call said and put his mug on his bed side table. "Sup?" He cleared his throat and talked as quietly as he could. Tamara got even angrier than he did when she was woken up to early.

"I'm sorry." Aaron said.

Call wanted to ask why Aaron would by sorry- but this was Aaron. He'd say sorry to an ant if he stepped on it.

"I got really carried away and forgot that what I said could hurt you. If I said anything wrong I'm sorry. It was a really shitty thing to do."

Then Call burst out laughing because he never thought he'd hear Aaron curse, ever. Call covered his mouth and muffled it before Tamara would come storming in on their awkward moment.

Aaron looked confused, but there was a very, very faint smile that almost reached his eyes. Call finally stopped laughing enough to talk.

"Did you, Aaron Stewart, just curse?"

Aaron looked dubious. "Well it was. A shitty thing to do, I mean. Call, can you please take this seriously?"

"There are very few things I take seriously." Call said, trying to lighten the mood before Aaron's eyes would get all glassy again. Aaron bit his lip. "And you are one of them." Call added.

"Well that makes one."

Call furrowed his eyebrows. Everyone took Aaron seriously, everyone loved him. "What do you mean?"

"The Magisterium. I feel like they think I'm just some kid they can use as a human shield. And I don't know. I guess I'm just…tired of being used? I'm not really sure what I'm fighting for or what I'm defending. I know we're better than the Enemy, but if we use kids as human shields, can we really be…good?"

Call blinked. It was too late at night for him to process this stuff. But it was so familiar to the battle he'd been raging on himself. Could he really be good if he'd killed so many people in his last life?

Call sat back against his pillows, letting his fire dissipate into a trail of smoke. It was dark again, and Call could just see Aaron outlined by the blueish light of the gemstones. "I don't know." Call said. "When I came here, I was so sure it would be bad but we're fighting for something good. I mean, it can't be perfect, but it's better than letting the Enemy win." Call swallowed. His gut hurt, that ache he got in his stomach and is throat every time he lied.

"But that doesn't mean everything they've done is right." Aaron whispered.

Call nodded. "Yeah."

Aaron sat back next to him and they laid like that for a while. His caffeine high was finally starting to shut down, and his thoughts were ore muddled with drowsiness than hyperactive caffeine rush.

"Call?" Aaron finally said just before Call fell asleep.

"What?"

"It's not your job to be broken. Please don't say that again."

Call shut his eyes. Broken, like the many pieces of his tibia bone. But he could still walk. "Hey, well, think of it this way, if we're both broken, we can be whole together."

Call thought he saw Aaron smile, just a little, but he couldn't tell in the darkness. He knew Aaron, like his leg, could never be made whole again, but maybe once he got his smile back he could pull himself together.

 _Like Humpty Dumpty_ , he thought, before he drifted off to sleep.


End file.
